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- Happy New Year.
I am someone who cannot do things I am not sure of, when that happens, I will end up not doing anything at all. When I do know how to do something though, I can't stop.
I guess this is how they say, give a man a fish and he will have food for a day, teach a man to fish and he will have food for the rest of his life.
I guess this is why I can't do things like dancing, or seems to be thinking all the time (I swear, its not blur, I really am thinking). I have this bad habit to think before I speak, and I mean by really thinking to make sure it is something appropriate before I start blabbing away. I understand that this could be because I have a mother who is the exact opposite, who speaks without a single thought. She could ask me to go and die and not even realize it, and I am not even exaggerating it. Many time I wish I have that confidence to say what I want to say, tell people things I wish to tell them, but the words don't always come to me naturally, and this is why I enjoy online messaging.
Certain rejections hurt more than others.
The world doesn't revolve just around yourself, this is something I believe wholeheartedly. You cannot please the world, but you can live life around it and just don't get yourself drained from the atrocities of human nature. I guess you can question why I feel so scared about the world, one may even think I seem detached from the "real world" sometimes, but I assure you, I never am. I do things I want to, but more than usually, around how the world deems appropriate in order to protect myself. I never seem to have a problem with handling people who act inappropriately around me because I see who they are and know how to act when needed be.
I guess this is why I enjoy being alone many times as well, true being together with a friend you trust, honestly speaking, how often is that? A partner in crime is a treasure, don't let go of it. With the comfort of trust, I wish I can just let loose and not have a single care in the world. When worldly things get in the way and question our actions and decisions, that is when it truly affects relationships in my life, and I absolutely detest that. However this is our world and we choose to live how we choose to live.
Just because I get upset because someone I care rejects me doesn't meant that I will flare up with others do.
Just because I am not proud of my situation doesn't mean that I don't have the ability to carry myself.
Just because I don't expect you to be a gentleman doesn't mean I will be a perfect career woman.
Just because I don't seem to be getting what I can doesn't mean I can't get by without it.
Just because I can't carry out what I'm expected to do now means I will never get my life set straight.
I have to kick this habit of only revealing my troubles after I found a solution.
It's not easy. Life isn't easy.
I will update the year end cosplay stuff soon TwT December has been too hectic! But it has been good.